Holidays... waking up to beautiful day... it is a little bit late - 7.00AM - compared to my ideal 5:30AM... never mind. I open the door and can see the beautiful garden, the frangipanis and many different palms... the clear blue sky... I step forward, grab a magazine and sit comfortably on the coach, ready to devore whatever pages will grab my attention.
Then... i stop for a while... what am I doing? Why am I jumping on a magazine like a beast on a piece of meat? Which benefit will I derive from it? Did I ever plan and desire ardently for it? Or is that just the impulse of a moment - as I step out of "my" night, gaze around, breath out in the open air.... Why is my mind stopping there... zeroing on this decision? What is resting there?
As I stop... I reflect.... why? I do feel like a beast... some lower instinct has been at play... I can feel that.... As I ponder... something feels about right? There is a real breathing in this paused moment.... a paused moment - combined with a suspended action...
And the thought of a "detached" magazine - a magazine hanging there and without much necessity - is bringing quiet peace and some relieve to a tired mind.
Early in the day - just after a full night sleep.... and still tired? Why is that?
As if the mind seldom rest... an over busy mind it seems... a magazine-devorer, beast-like mind…
Fighting or fleeing human beings? Fighting what? Fleeing from what?
What is scaring me so much so that I will jump on a magazine rather than face it?
Is that fear? or is that un-consciousness? Like... not knowing what to do and doing something... just something... instead of facing the blank?
a querry in Ubin
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